Self Care
For the last couple of years, I spent a relatively significant amount of time practicing what I thought of as self care. I indulged my whims and my cravings often. I ate what I wanted. I wore what was completely comfortable. I spent a remarkable amount of time in front of the television “relaxing” even while I was purchasing books that retired to a growing stack in the corner of my bedroom. I even scheduled sessions with my personal trainer that turned into massages every week instead of strength training.
And what happened? I grew increasingly uncomfortable. My gut health suffered. I woke up with hangovers though I hadn’t gotten drunk the night before. I retained water. I put on weight. I purchased larger and larger clothing in cheaper and cheaper fabrics and styles (because I wouldn’t be this size for long so why buy quality?). I cared less and less about my appearance which meant I approved of my own appearance less and less. I grew more and more disconnected from my inner voice. I experienced a low-grade, numbing, creeping depression. My sleep was less and less restful. I began to suffer from anxiety which was a completely new experience for me.
There came a time recently when I realized that everything felt wrong. I half-heartedly tried a few things to pull myself out of it but the motivation was not strong. Then I followed my gut and made a couple of significant commitments to Mary Langfield (see previous “Let me tell you a story”). Instead of working on denying myself the indulgences, I began to add different kinds of indulgences into my daily routine. It started with a simple focus on living a life full of gratitude. Then, rather than cutting the vodka and cheese out of my diet, I focused on adding healthy items to my daily diet.
My mornings became an almost sacred ritual. I set an alarm to wake before the rest of the house so that I could follow my new routine and after a couple of days, I didn’t miss the extra sleep at all. Meditation, quiet soothing music, journaling, preparing a healthy and nutrient rich breakfast and a gut-healing tea…all of these things are a daily commitment to my amazing self. As a result, my joy is returning. My patience is increased. My body feels better and more capable of supporting my day-to-day activities. I’m motivated and inspired and my inner voice has begun to communicate with me again. I’m still wearing cheap, baggy clothes but I got a haircut and color and have started to wear a little makeup again now and then. Weightloss will come soon as I’m craving healthier and healthier foods
And now I’m in Mexico for a week in the midst of a global pandemic scare. I had some guilt for a moment as I watched the rest of the world panic from the relative safety of a beautiful yoga platform overlooking the ocean. Then I realized that my community is going to benefit from a calm, cool, collected and inspired woman when I return. So I am practicing very intense self care as I dive deep into an intense yoga practice and learn new breathing techniques that I can bring home with me as addition to my daily sacred time. I’m communing with like-minded women from my community who will continue to be resources for strength and calm when I return.
I understand that you might be reading this suffering in a similar state of unrest or of uneasiness with the state of your mind and body. I also understand that I am incredibly privileged to be having the experience that I’m having this week. Please believe me when I tell you that I am incredibly grateful for the place, the people, the sights, the sounds, the incredible foods and the inspiration that I am able to experience while I type these words. So. How can I help? I believe my email is still non-functional but there are other ways to communicate with me. DM me via facebook? Send an Instagram note? Twitter? Text. Smoke Signal. Carrier Pigeon. Whatever works best for you. Please let me be a tiny bit of calm in the storm. Allow me to be inspiration in the doldrums. Invite me to shake your motivation loose for you or be a listening ear if that’s what you’re craving.
