On Loneliness...

by Stacy Nathan

I am ready for the rain today. Normally, I am very solar powered and thrive in the blue sky and sunshine of the spring but I've been watching the weather reports just waiting for this rain.  It may only be 10:00 in the morning but so far it's exactly what I wanted.  Clean, calm, a gentle soaking.  I've been watching my gardens like a doting mother swearing that if I stood still long enough, I would be able to see the growth.  This rain will clean up the dust and dirt left behind after the cleanup from the long Minnesota winter.  It'll give the plants the soaking that they need and I predict an explosion of green through the rest of the week.  

My girls have been deposited at their Dad's for the next 4 days and I'm alone in my little fairy house.  Alone with two cats and a naughty puppy who does NOT appreciate the rain when it comes to potty time.  Everyone is dozing except me and Billie Eilish asking "What do you want from me?"  My environment is lending itself to thoughts of loneliness but strangely, not to loneliness itself.

I did the very tiniest bit of research into the topic of loneliness and found Dr. Vivek Murthy.  Remember him?  Me neither but I probably should.  Among other impressive accomplishments, he served as the 19th Surgeon General of the United States under President Barack Obama.  Most recently, he has been researching and writing a book on the topic of loneliness titled "Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World."  I won't lie and imply that I took the time to read this book but I DID listen (twice) to a podcast discussion between Dr. Murthy and Brene Brown.  He defines loneliness as:


"a discrepancy between the connections that you need and the social connections that you have."  

OK.  That's simple enough and sounds about right.  

He goes on:

"Researchers have identified 3 Dimensions of Loneliness to reflect the particular types of relationships that are missing:
- Intimate or Emotional Loneliness is the longing for a close confidante or intimate partner.  Someone with whom you share a deep mutual bond of affection and trust.
- Relational or Social Loneliness is the yearning for quality friendships and social companionship and support.
- Collective Loneliness is the hunger for a network or community of people who share your sense of purpose and interests.
These 3 Dimensions together reflect the full range of high quality social connections that humans need in order to thrive."

Well, that too explains some things.  I have most definitely experienced bouts of severe loneliness in my four decades.  Haven't we all?  It's interesting to me that these weeks when I am spending more time physically alone than I have ever spent in my life, I am not experiencing true loneliness.  Thanks to technology and time, I feel more connected than ever.  I am keeping in close, daily contact with my quality friendships and support.  Marco Polo anyone?  With multiple check-ins throughout the day, I truly am feeling like "my people" are just a screen tap away which is powerful and affirming.  And thanks to Be Inspired, I'm spending time brainstorming ideas and creating content to connect to a new, powerful community of badass women who inspire me every single day.  

Think for a moment about the 3 Dimensions of Loneliness.  I don't know that I can help you much if you are experiencing problems with that first category.  But...if you are feeling like you are experiencing Social or Collective Loneliness...I think I can help with that!  Reach out, raise a hand, send a nudge.  There are SO many ways to reach this social creature and I have ideas!

Email: Stacy@ConnectInspireBe.com
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